Final blog from me....

No I'm not dying, and no I'm not planning on it anytime soon. I am, however, going to cease writing on this blog...

It's been a real good time, for the last year and a bit writing thoughts, funny stories, sad stories, current events, basically having the freedom to write whatever you want in whatever style or format you want (I would have quit this blog thing the first day if these posts had to be done in Turabian format).

I have been reading this book by Richard Foster called "Freedom of Simplicity" and I have been challenged, overwhelmingly at times, by the reminder in it to be simple people. Not simplistic, but simple.

The other day I was reading it, and Foster was talking about how to practice simplicity, inwardly. This means not so much the stripping away of your material possessions or things that busy your schedule.... not yet at least. Simplicity starts inwardly, it starts with your soul, your center, whatever you want to call it, entering (or sometimes being barged in by) the presence of God.

Once there, I think some of the outward things, some things like your clothes, food, all your possessions, the things that Jesus warns about not putting first in our lives.... Those things start to loose their grip on our us.

Richard Foster challenges his readers to categorize (this can be hard) the things done in your day into four sections;

1. Absolutely essential
2. Important but not essential
3. Helpful but not necessary
4. Trivial

My mind was flooded with all the things that I do in a day.... Eating breakfast at the sals-essential....reading my emails-important but not essential.......reading a little each day-absolutely essential........watching CSI for more than 3 hours in one day-seems important, but really trivial

My fall is looking more busy than it has ever been. I am feeling a little bit like my good friend who prays not that God would fulfill his life's dreams, but that God would help him make it through this day alive.

Blogging is a little bit twofold for me. It's like Richard Fosters number three above (Helpful but not necessary), and this is how I break it down.

For me to post a blog is not really necessary. I realized I get excited about writing just as much if I write in my private journal. I realized I blog mainly because I just really want people to like me. I want people to think I'm smart, that I'm funny, that I actually have something important to say. It's one of my ways of making sure I get people's vote to stay on the lifeboat (if you're not sure what I'm talking about there, refer to Donald Miller's "Searching for God knows what" - lifeboat theory)....

I realized that people don't need to hear what I say. It is not essential. They do, however, need to hear what God says, essential.... I need to hear what God says. I know that many folks will say, "God speaks through his people," to which I would say, "God speaks through the bible," to which I (and I would gander to say many others) don't look into near enough.... and I would even go as far to say that God speaks mainly through people who are in the Word, not those who don't read it.

So for me, posting a blog is actually not that important.

Reading other people's blogs, on the other hand, is kind of helpful. I enjoy gaining insights beyond the scope of Cody Anderson. I enjoy reading and being interested in others' lives. God loves them just as much as he does me, so why wouldn't I be just as interested in their writings, their lives, as I am in seeing how many people commented on my "brilliant" post.

I found it interesting that this is my 121st post, which immediately reminded me of Psalm 121, where is says "I lift my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from you the maker of heaven and of earth." My hope this fall, is to be a little more simple. For me, not worrying about keeping up my blog is a simple, good step in my journey. My hope is that the time I would spend blogging, would be used to start reading more of a book that is absolutely essential to my vitality as a follower of Jesus Christ.

I'm not trying to over-spiritualize blogging here, I'm just cutting something out of my life, and that's o.k.

So long and farewell blog world.

Almost done

Summer is nearly over, and I think I am ready for it. It's not like I have a thing against nice weather or anything ridiculous like that, I just have a thing against running around frantically from place to place (so it seems) over a few months.

I've felt like Dana and I have had such a full summer. It's been good, it's just been really full. I guess part of what wears people down about that is all the travelling involved in going different places; a wedding here, a visit there, a drive over there, a camping trip somewhere.

Fall always is like a fresh start to me. It sometimes feels more like a New Year than January 1st does. It's back to routine, back to school for some, back to the daily work grind for others. That's an o.k. thing though.

Routine and random vacationing can balance each other out. When one gets a little bit too much, incorporate the other.

Fall will be good, but I'm sure before long we'll need some spontaneous random vacation or something of the sort to bring us back to the center.

MD

So for the last few days I've been having slight dizziness, and I have not really been sure why. It started when I was doing some simple tasks, but was moving in a lot of directions as if I were on some ride. I immediately felt like you do after you get off of a merry-go-round, and had to stop what I was doing. But the dizziness kept on for three days.

I don't know about you, but when something is wrong and you don't know what it is, you always expect the worst. I found myself on webMD (which is kind of entertaining to browse through) which asks your symptoms and gives you possible diagnosis's (can that word be pluralized..is "pluralized" a word?).

Anyway, on this website if you type in your symptom as "dizziness" it gives you like 300 different things that could (key word) be wrong with you. Everything from the common cold to glaucoma to panic attacks to anemia to....well you name it.

I figured I'd better go to a walk in clinic to see which one of these I actually had.......

Turns out I really don't know what I have, or the doctor doesn't know what I have, but "take 1 gravol per day until the dizziness goes away."

I'm glad I'm free of glaucoma.

Funny how we can blow things wayyyyyy out of proportion when we don't actually know the facts, isn't it?

Solitude

"We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship." -c.s. lewis

Perhaps true friendship is found in the simple act of being (maybe not such a simple act for us in today's age) and allowing another to truly know us.... In essence giving another an admission into our lives, costly as it may be, instead of giving them an edited version of what we think they want us to be.

Perhaps becoming vulnerable like this involves arranged time to be with God, no agenda included. Doing this is in and of itself a step forward on our part, and I think that God does meet us there.... continuing redemptive work in us.

Perhaps a world that is full of disruption, distrust, dissension, death....perhaps this world would do well to "Be still and know that I am God." We would do well to remember that God will reign victorious, His ways will prevail, the God of Israel is our fortress, even in today's world.

Small Group

There once was a time when I did not care to be a part of a small group. I'm not really sure why that was either. I am not an overly shy person, I don't mind sharing my thoughts or feelings with another person (or persons) and I can shoot the breeze with strangers pretty easily. Why was being part of a small group not important to me?

Perhaps I was just plain ignorant. They say that you don't know what you've got until it's gone, but in my case I didn't know the worth of something because I never had it in the first place. I didn't put myself in a place that would even give it a shot.

Eventually I did give a small group a shot, and that was all it was. I didn't make it a priority, other things would easily crowd my schedule and our little weekly meeting to discuss the bible was the first thing out the door. I moved from group to group, never really lasting all that long. Why, even though I now tried the small group thing, did I still not care for it?

Why was it so easy to push it right out of my schedule, find that trap door out of it, you know.

I'm pleased to say that I am part of a small group right now, in fact we just met this evening, and I don't see myself bailing on this any time soon. I'm not sure what changed, perhaps it is the people, perhaps the discussion, or something else.....

What I think is going on, though, is that my soul is being awakened to the importance of encouragement in a world that at times seems so incredibly discouraging. I was telling the group tonight how I have felt an incredible weight upon me this week, that weight being the tragedies that have taken place over the last 10 days. Its seems like everyday someone is dying a horrible, unthinkable, death. My soul was being crushed.

To be able to have a place to share intimately the stuff that really matters in life, to have a place to discuss the Word of life, to have a place to pray....I am incredibly thankful this day.

God is good to me, he is good to us.

If by some chance there is someone that has read this to this point, and by chance you are a person who is interested in a small group (or completely disinterested in one) I encourage you, I charge you to join one. Talk to someone who can hook you up with a group. You will not regret it. Give it a better chance than I did sometime ago, make it a necessity in your schedule, value it.

God dwells among His people.

Trip to Two Harbors....

We had a great time visiting with Matt, Jahna, and lil' Aurora over the long weekend.... My hilight was definately getting the chance to go sailing on Lake Superior, I'm pretty sure I want to be a pirate when I grow up....check out some of these pictures.

Gossip kings and queens of the world

Why is it that we, even as Christians, determine that it will be better for some other person if we talk about their issues or circumstances behind their backs rather than pray for them in the quietness of our hearts?

What is it about the human condition, or perhaps our North American condition, that we feel the need (or entitlement) to gossip about others...

I've been struggling deeply with this lately. I am not innocent in this. Why do we struggle so much with judgement, with gossip, with prayer?

I think that we love to be in control (well I know that) and we love to feel power, and we love to deflect things off of ourselves... I think that somehow gossiping allows all three of these to take place.

When we gossip, we're putting ourselves in control of the situation that isn't ours to begin with. We feel power when we gossip because we make ourselves believe what we have to say for another person is better than what they could ever think of themselves. When we talk about other people it allows us to further procrastinate on some things that maybe aren't so pretty in our own lives.

What is it about gossip that we are so addicted to?

Why is our first reaction to other people's circumstance or problems to beat them down verbally behind their backs, or figure things out for them, or make ourselves feel better than them rather than pray for them, asking God's guidance?

Do we really believe what we have to say for __________ is better than what God has to say for _______?

Do we really actually believe we know the heart of ____________ better than God knows the heart of ____________?

Do we really think we're helping the situation at all?

Next time you are tempted to start talking about other people in a wrong way, stop.... slow down.... remember you're not God... remember God knows that person or people infinitely better than you do.... do not play God, you will only condemn yourself.... seek God's wisdom first....don't just conjure up whatever you want.....seek God's Word....

God, I need your help with this....

Right now I am sitting in an office at Faith Covenant Church in Breton, Alberta. I am here for Bruce and Amanda's wedding tomorrow. Those two are a beauty, and I'm excited for the life they will share together.

I recognize sometimes in these busy times that I can get tired, maybe a little dry even... and not just the Alberta dry, but the Spiritually dry.

While everyone went back to our places of residence for these days we are here, I decided to stay back at the church and crack open some scripture.

I went to one of my favorite Psalms, Psalm 131, and then to the sermon on the mount in Matthew. I'm grateful for the truth in Jesus' words, "I am the bread of life." It seems that when I read the scriptures they constantly point me to Jesus, and I am fed. I am alive again, a little more ready for "what's next."

Lord, give me your heart this day. I offer my dry and dusty heart to you, give me yours instead.

camp and other rabbit trails...

Sometimes we say things that seem to be perfectly normal to us, only to realize they either don't make a lot of sense of they come out a lot more sketchy than we thought.

Today I got to see both those scenarios played out...

I told Dana not once, but twice (yes I am a slow learner), that I "lettered the mail" she gave me. It was part of the list of things I had to do and was excited I got it done, and twice I told her that I lettered the mail. Once when I mailed the letter, and then again like 2 hours later.

Soon after that I thought it would be nice to write about camp this year, something inspiring and meaningful....and you guessed it, nothing eloquent came to mind. My wife graciously said that she'd write the blog for me, even though she was only there 36 hours or something like that. I said she could write it.

I think she liked the idea that she could write anything she wanted on here and post it and make a good laugh out of me...

This is how the blog entry she wrote went, probably making perfect sense to her (p.s. she was writing it as if I was talking in first person, even though it was her thoughts):

"I just got back from camp... I like camp
I was leading worship at camp... I like worship
I was counselling a bunch of high school boys... I like high school boys..."

I says "PARDON!"

That'll learn her for trying to be cutesy on my most serious blog entries!

Just jokes, that gave me a heck of a laugh... and for the record, camp was beauty...

God is good, so are Dana's mishaps.

goin' to camp

If I'm lucky, each year around this time, I get to drive 3 hours west and a little north and go to camp. I've been heading out that way to Covenant Heights Bible Camp on clear lake for probably 15 or 16 years now. It's been a while since I've been a camper, but I can still very clearly remember the incredible experiences each year I was there.... Experiences that moved me, changed me, made me laugh.... Experiences that caused me to redirect my life towards God once again.

It's a very beautiful place. Not just it's scenery, but also the idea of it..... How many other times in a year do you get together with 50-70 other folks, most of whom you only see that one week a year, and just live life together with the epicenter of the week being on the very much alive God that we serve.

I know it's not all about feelings, but there more than any other place, you feel God. You know he is alive. It's unmistakable. You simply can not go to that place and come back home the same.

This year, like every other year, there will be a whole new unique group of folks gathering.... We will make history, as there has never been this group together in one place in one time, and there will never again be the exact same group of people there in one place, in one time...

I want to make the most of this historical experience. I want to understand what it is about a simple camp that seems so close to heaven.

If you remember, pray for Covenant Heights Bible Camp this week....

Observation #3

99% of the conflicts that I hear about on the news or otherwise all come down to money....
-whose money is it?
-who has the right to the thing/land/money/oil?
-who is trying to make more money of something someone else owns or lives in?
-what is best for the investor, or owner of something, rather than the whole community?

Why does it always come back to the almighty dollar?

Elementary my dear wa....

I think it was John Wesley (or one of those famous Wesley's, probably not Wesley Snipes though!) who said,

"Sin will keep you from this book, and this book will keep you from sin..."

He was speaking of the bible. Now I realize that it's probably the most elementary sounding thing to speak of when talking about Christianity... Read your bible... However, we never seem to get it.

Wesley forgot to add that blogs keep you from the book too...

So if you're reading this (which I highly doubt you are) then get off the computer and read 1 John or something.

Right on.

Canada Day 911

On Canada Day (a few days ago) Dana and myself were watching the movie "The Pink Panther" with Steve Martin (which I thought had some hilarious moments) when we looked out our window to see billowing smoke...

Lot's of it.

I jumped up to see what was going on outside and I saw tree branches, leaves, and grass all on fire. The city goes around each year and prunes certain trees in certain areas and it seemed that this is what was on fire, a bunch of green freshly cut tree leaves.

The thing is there was nobody around the fire. It looked as if it somehow caught fire and nobody knew it was happening... So I decided it was my time to do something I'd never done before.

"911, what is your emergency." The lady asked calmly.

I told her the situation, that there was brush on fire outside our house, that there was nobody around that was watching it, that my car was close and I was afraid it would blow up... and as I'm talking this legendary old dude with only a garden hose comes out of nowhere and aims the trickle of water towards the fire.

I told the 911 lady that someone just came out and looked like he was going to put this thing out... But she told me to go and tell him to not put it out as the fire fighters were on their way...

Let's be honest, who wants to go and tell someone they've just called the fire department on them and that they'd be there any second... Especially this dude, because whether he had the fire in control or not, he was definitely breaking some rules by having a brush fire right in the middle of Old Saint Boniface.

So I go out sort of sheepishly to the guy, "Is everything alright?" The guy didn't even acknowledge I was alive! I figured he just didn't speak English and decided to not tell him the fire fighters were coming.

I went back in the house and sure enough a couple minutes later I see a massive firetruck pull in front of our place... Four or five fire "people" (I guess they weren't all men) came out of the truck.

Then one guy climbed over the waist high fence, and shook his head. I wasn't sure if he shook his head in dismay that someone would be so stupid as to light all this brush on fire in the middle of the city, not covered or anything... or if he found it so stupid that someone would actually waist their time for this...

I think I got my answer when he grabbed the small garden hose and put out the fire with it.

Looks like I was the nigit in the whole scenario, but alas, what if no one ever came, the fire could've gotten out of control.

My car could have blown up.

The days is hot!

Dana and I are moving up in the world, we got ourselves a window air conditioner... It actually works really well, and it will be especially nice in the next week and a half when the temp's are going to reach as high as +41C with the humidity.

Prayers for the journey....

God is light. There is no darkness in him at all, not even a little bit... so says 1 John 1. Therefore, if I am walking in darkness, even a little bit... I'm not being fully immersed in the light. Darkness is the absence of light, and light needs not darkness to sustain itself.

God, I come to you, my source of light, my source of life. You are my Lord and my King. I desire to walk in the light as you are in the light. As I stand in the light of your glorious presence, expose anything that offends you. May that which I claim to be, and that which I am, both be in line with you Jesus Christ.

Observation #2

The "self-storage" sections at stores like Canadian Tire and Superstore keep getting bigger and bigger... go figure.

"It is sadly all to possible to know the truth without doing it, to profess faith without expressing it in a consistent life..." -John R.W. Stott

"If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin..." -1 John 1:6-7

Challenging and hopeful words I have read today.

Observation #1

People who are driving often get mad at those who drive slower than them, and they speed, all in a tizzy, passed the slower person only to find another stop light...

good stuff

Good things of the day:
-going to church
-having barbeque for lunch with the church family
-dana's pasta salad
-playing baseball "church picnic" style
-watching force almost cause tectonic plates to move near first base
-having barbeque for supper
-more of dana's pasta salad

that is all.

Sleepless in Saint B.

You ever have one of those nights where you're so tired and all you want to do is sleep but it's the one thing you can't seem to accomplish? I'm having one of those nights...

Freedom in simplicity...

It has been great to focus on one thing. Going down to working just one job was the right decision for me. I feel a freedom I have not felt in a long time... Perhaps the last time I felt this was when my evenings consisted of playing kick the can or dodge ball on s'up da bruce's trampoline...

O.k. maybe not that free, but still a vast difference from where I was. I think there is something good and right about freeing yourself up to do the things you know you're best at, and really sinking your teeth into those things.

I thank God for his generosity to me, and in return I pray that the sacrifice of a more simplified life pleases Him.

"There is no greater need today than the freedom to lay down the heavy burden of getting ahead..." -Richard Foster

My thoughts... "It's way too tiring to try and be a 'somebody'..."

Little red fighting fish

A couple of weeks ago Dana and I went to some friends of ours' new house and enjoyed their house warming party. While there, I noticed they had some fish in a nicely displayed aquarium. I don't know about you, but there is nothing more relaxing than watching fish swim, and seeing an aesthetically pleasing aquarium.

I was inspired... And thus, a week later I went out and bought "Taz," my little red fighting fish. It was one of those fish that are only allowed in the tank alone as they will tear to shreds any other fish with them.

It cost me a grand total of $18.37, Canadian. They tried to get me to buy this special formula for when you clean the tank, but I politely declined, partly because it was like seven bucks, and partly because my fish's home was to be in a five gallon antique milk jar. The lady at Petland asked what kind of a set up I had for the fish, and I sheepishly said, "a bowl," as I thought the animal rights activist would be after me if they found out I shoved it in an old milk jug.

Taz was a great addition to our little place, it added some ambiance and gave me something to do after work... that is stare at it while it floated and did nothing.

A couple days ago Dana was getting after me to clean the "tank" (i.e. milk jug) and so, after some procrastination, I finally cleaned the tank.

That day we decided to go for a one day trip out to Lake Nutimik to just relax around a campfire. We got back today, and Dana reminded me to go and feed Taz. Taz likes to hang out on the bottom of the milk jug for some reason, and so it was business as usual as I walked toward it to feed the little red devil... The only difference was that he was upside down and his mouth was wide open.

"Taz": May 24, 2008 - June 1 or 2, 2008

Poor little buddy.

I guess I should have bought the $7 cleaning solution... But really, what kind of a fighter fish is that! It couldn't even handle a day of fasting and its water au natural from the tap.

And thus, I said a quick goodbye to ole' Taz as he had a proper burial down American Standard...

Perhaps I wasn't meant to be a pet owner.

"Grey's Catastrophy"

Dana borrowed a season of "Grey's Anatomy" from a friend and has been watching it pretty religiously the last couple days. I'm watching an episode as I write this, and if the real world hospitals were like this, all the doctors would be pretty boys and pretty girls, and they'd all be promiscuous with each other in the back rooms of the hospital... and there would be some girl narrating the whole hospital scene with some lame attempts at poetic free verse or something like that.

For some reason this shows a big hit. Not really my style, I'd take "House" over this show anyday.

good to be with family...

Dana and I had not worshipped with our church family in over two weeks. I agree with that "parking lot" song, recently made famous by the counting crows, which says "don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got till it's gone..." not that Faith Covenant closed its doors, but we had been closed off to it for a few weeks, and realized while we were that the little church we attend and serve is incredibly significant to the both of us.

The church is a funny looking family at times, but it is a family bound up by the Creator of the universe, holding the keys to the most important message that humanity has ever known.

I pray that Dana and I, as well as our little church in Winnipeg would become restless. I pray that we would open the doors to our hearts to our neighbours, our families, our friends... and perhaps, by the grace of God, and by the work of the Holy Spirit, this most important message would be let out in ways we may never have been able to comprehend.

it's all good

So this is my first post as a married man, and though I'm sure the writing style won't be very different, I'm sure that my thoughts and musings I write down will be.

Being married is great! And I know what most people that have been married for a while think when they hear that, "oh just wait... it'll hit ya."

I say (as my junior high friend used to say) "nuts ta that." The world needs less negative poison splattered all over things that are good. I'm not naive, I don't deny that there will or can be hard times in a marriage...but my thoughts are, maybe it's a blessing that the world has newlyweds, as it could (I'm sure) remind some folks who have been married "way too long" that marriage is great, that it's o.k. to be lovin' it...that it's not just the "ole' ball and chain."

So I say to God, thank you again for this incredible gift.

I will get married today to my best friend...

This is a great thing!

I am truly a blessed man, God is so good.

bobby...

I took a walk today towards the forks with the intention of grabbing a hot beverage of some sort at the Johnston Terminal coffee shop, but my trip was stopped short...

I made it across the Provencier walking bridge, and there I met Bobby. If you walk around that area often you may have even run into him a time or two. Bobby was busking with his guitar when our eyes met as I walked by and he asked me how I was doing. I said I was good and stopped to be courteous and ask how he was. So I did...

I had no knowledge that I would spend the next hour listening to the gruff older man tell stories of war, love, life, and death...

As I listened to him it became clear to me that Bobby had no money, no friends, and no one to listen to him... perhaps he was hoping I'd somehow quench all three?

I had no money on me at the time, and I tried to let him know that right off the bat...sometimes when you let these people know you have no money on you they become disinterested in you as you have nothing to offer them. Bobby seemed to be different, and this is how I know he must not have many (if anyone) who listen to him.

He kept telling me stories... His mind had unending tales to tell. I found out that his favorite artist was Gordon Lightfoot, and I think not that this is a coincidence,

"if you could read my mind, what tales my thoughts could tell..."

And oh what his mind told me...

He told me of past wives, three to be exact. The first was an "Indian" whom he was married to for 14 years. The second was a blond haired blue eyed "white girl" whom he was married to for 5 years, and ended up loosing everything but the cloths on his back and his guitar to. His current wife is Malaysian and he says that they don't fight. Although he isn't allowed in the house unless he "brings home the bacon," he said this to me as he looked into the empty guitar case and then added, "it's not looking good..."

He spoke, disturbingly, of "naam." He fought in the Vietnam war in the 60's. This made sense to me... He, to me, was a textbook war vet...I know that sounds bad, but he fit the part. He told me he killed a "couple" men. His eyes glazed over when he talked about it to me, and looked into thin air as if he could see their faces... The trauma was clearly deeper than I'd ever be able to know.

He said, "you don't wanna ever kill a man, because it'll end up killin' you..."

Bobby was dying inside it seemed. or dead already.

When is the time in those conversations when you leave... reality is that there is no good time. For Bobby, I was fulfilling a much longed for need...me leaving was stripping that away from him.

But I needed to leave, so I left Bobby on the cold concrete, hoping for another quarter, or another set of ears to listen to his stories.

I pray Lord, that you would comfort Bobby this night... God, comfort all the "bobbies" strewn over this city, and indeed, over this whole globe. So many hurting people... I pray that I was used in the work you were doing tonight.

Things I found in my trash can

So my washroom garbage can had a nice arrayment of things in it, probably the wierdest combination of stuff I've ever seen in a garbage can:
-kleenex (that's normal)
-a banana (that's getting more wierd)
-my hair from the haircut dana gave me (kind of wierd and gross)
-a leftover tall vanilla earl grey tea misto (enough said)

I encourage you, check out your nearest local trash can and see all the fun stuff that's in there...

Right now I am sitting by my bay window, and I can hear water dripping off the roof onto the gravel beneath. It sounds like it's raining (it half is I guess with the wet snow) and I miss that. There's something about rain that refreshes everything in it's wake.

I'm thankful for this moment.

Little reminders of who I really am...

A good friend of mine reminded me today how truly blessed I am. He reminded me that every breath I breathe comes from God, and it is only by him that I have life.

He reminded me that God has given me everything I need, and yet God owes me nothing.

He reminded me that partaking in the empty things leaves you just that, empty... and partaking in the things of God; service, community, church, the bible, right relationships... well as he would say; "what more do ya need?"

God, I want to live as if my life is lived by someone else; your Son Jesus Christ. If there's anything in me that does not fit with you, may they be stripped away. I know that in order for me to truly live, it must be this way. Jesus is risen! May he arise within me. May I become less and he become greater.

The Passion week is one of the busiest "work" weeks of the year if you work in a church.

This year serves as no exception for me... but as I have been planning for different services and events for the week, I have found the images of the cross grabbing ahold of my heart in such a profound way that it is actually changing it.

The image stuck in my head is that of Jesus carrying the shame and sins of the whole world on his shoulders in the form of an old, ugly, wooden cross.

The weight is so heavy that he falls, not once, not twice, but three times underneath it. I can almost visibly see the beaten and bloody face of Jesus looking down into the dirt under the cross, feeling helpless, feeling abandoned, knowing death is near. I can see the humanity in his eyes, but his determination to continue bearing his cross, walking the road to the place where they drive nails through his flesh, shows me his divinity.

What pain has he not felt? What sorrow has he never bore?

What kind of love is this?

Blood is poured from the body of Jesus as he is nailed to that wooden cross, it's all I can see. The blood has covered the cross. The blood is pure, it's innocent. The blood is payment for my sins, it has covered them as it's covered the cross. The blood... It's supposed to be mine.

Will I accept this love? For in accepting it, I am saying NO to the empty kind of love I find so easily, taking the wide and simple road.

The way of the cross, the way of love, is a road less travelled... It is harder to do, and it's sometimes harder to accept.

Jesus, I see you. I see you carrying the cross... my cross. Help me respond properly to this.

famous ones

So I don't know why I was thinking about this today, but as I was driving home from work at Starbucks I was remembering the famous people that I have served coffee there over the year I've worked there now. These are their names:

1. Stu Grimson
2. Ace Burpee
That is all.

O.k. so maybe they're not really famous (although if you don't know them you can find them on the Google) but it's funny how I remember those experiences so clear. I can remember what they said, what their facial expressions looked like, even what they were doing that day.

Ace was going skateboarding at the forks early Saturday morning so he could beat the rush of young kids in the afternoon, and Stu was in town during the Christmas holidays all the way from Toronto to visit with the in laws.

As I pondered this I thought about my other job, at the church, and the most famous people to ever come in there. These are their names:

1. God
2. David Rae

No big deal right?

See, it's crazy that we think like we do. The fact that the maker of the universe is among us week after week, and I can hardly recognize he's there let alone remember what he looked like, what he said, or what he was doing, causes me to think something is a little off kilter... right Dave?

song mix up

I usually am pretty good about singing the right words when I get up to lead the music on a Sunday morning.

I can even get the words of difficult hymns with Shakespearean language that is like reading a tongue twister.

I seemed to have a brain lapse this week as we sung the (newer) song "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin.

Just for the record, if anyone heard the mix up in words, "whorehouses laden with snow" are just as detrimental as ones in summer climates, and for me, they don't produce a kind of awe that inspires me to praise God. Just in case you were wondering...

oopsie daisy.

Tired of winter yet?

Me too.

For me, it's when I look at "the weather network" hoping to see improvement in the latter part of the week, only to find out it's somehow getting colder.

Today, however, as I went for a walk, I was caught up in the beauty of the main side affect of the winter months... snow.

It had been a long time since I'd noticed how brilliant the untouched snow is when the bright sun is beaming onto it.

I was in awe of how "sparkly" it was. You know, I bought Dana an engagement ring to which I think shines pretty good when it's in the right light... but it really doesn't hold a candle to this. This was amazing to me.

I'm thankful for moments like these when the glass that looked half empty all of the sudden looks brilliant and beautiful and full once again.

Your creation, O God, leads my soul to you. If this is how majestic your creation is, how much you must shine...

Old Saint Boniface

I took a walk outside today. That was something I had not done for a long time it seemed. It was nice to breathe fresh air, to see the expanse of the sky, and to get some much needed exercise.

I live in St. Boniface now, and so my travels today took me down Tache, up to Provencier, and finally finishing at the Salisbury House on the L'esplanade Riel (I'm totally not french so I'm sure I've butchered some of these words). I almost feel instantly cooler for living in St. Boniface because it's street signs and business signs are all french. It's like living in the french quarter is ultra cool even though probably a lot of us living there don't speak a bit of french.

I like that I can walk down Tache, see the bascilica, see a big statue of Louis Riel's head, all the while having the Winnipeg skyline in my peripheral vision. There is a lot of history around where I live now. I'm really liking it, it's going to be a good place to be for a while now.

Jusqu'a la fois suivante, restez chic!

S.A.D.

I did a little reading up on seasonal affective disorder the other day and found out that more of us suffer from some form of it than we might think. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is mainly caused by lack of sunlight exposure, and the worst months for this are (yeah you guessed it) December, January, and February...yeah, we're right in SAD season right now.

If you're feeling unmotivated, feeling as though you need to sleep 12 hours a day, craving carbohydrates and sweets all the time, lack drive for your day, it's quite possible your suffering from SAD... and you know what, you're far from alone in it...

So go ahead, get some light therapy, take a walk for 20 minutes outside even though it is crazy cold still, it'll help. My fiance Dana has this sunny=happy yay! policy and I think I could get used to that.

new abode

Flu is gone, and I am in my new place! This is the place where eventually both Dana and I will live (no we're not shackin' up mom). It's a really quaint place, very small, but very quaint indeed. It is very simple, it has a bedroom, a livingroom, a kitchen, and a bathroom, that is all. There is really only about enough space for two, which is just fine for now. I am filled with gratitude right now as I sit down in my new home. God provides. He is always faithful.

Flu season

Being sick is just plain old frustrating. I am totally aware that there are people in far worse situations than my measly little fever, however there are some nagging things about a little fever that I need to vent about

Like the snotty nose, I don't think there is anything more annoying or nasty than the flem filled nasal. And how about that stuffed up feeling throughout your noggin', or the dry mouth, or the crazy cold shakes and the hellishly hot heat spells from a fever. The groggy feeling you get from a fever makes your body just feel weak, like a seven year old girl could beat you up if for some reason you were to get in a fight.

I despise being sick, maybe because I seem to have a weak immune system and get sick so often. I'm going for my own personal record this time in the amount of time it takes for me to hack this thing, one day. I never seem to have this 24hour flu everyone speaks of. Mine always seems to be 36, 48, or more hours. I want the 24 hour one this time, which means I have 38 minutes to hack this thing. I'm gonna go get some Vitamen C.

God be with us through the different seasons of life, be they summer or winter, springtime or harvest, life or death, orderliness or disarray.
Be with us, O God, especially in this time of winter, this time of frozenness when light is sparse. Sustain us. Establish us on Jesus Christ. Lighten our darkness so much so that we would glow with your radiance... and then clothe us with the beggars cloak so that we won't be blinded by self-righteousness, but that people would see a spirit that is humble, one that they undoubtedly know is trusting and holding dearly to you.
Amen.

tempted One, faithful One, saving One

In the garden of Eden, satan tempted both Adam and Eve by using selfish tactics. He claimed they would be better off if they went against God's will to stay away from the forbidden fruit... They believed satan, and it has forever changed history.

In the desert somewhere in the middle east, sometime around 2000 years ago, satan tempted Jesus (the second Adam so says Romans) using selfish tactics. Satan claimed He would be better off if He went against God the Father's will to embrace the way of the cross to enter His Kingdom... Jesus was the tempted One. Yet Jesus was the faithful One seeing through the trickery of the devil, better yet, being so infused with the will of God that anything other than it was unmistakably a lie, twisted, and not for Him! Jesus was, is, and always will be the saving One as He stayed obedient to the task that we couldn't, He became the flawless sacrifice for all the fallen children descending from Adam (yes you and I!) so that we could be in right relationship with God.

I am in gratitude in this moment I think of your story of victory Jesus, for it can be our story as well. What hope we truly have in you!

What would be just?

On my way home from work today I was listening to Adler on CJOB 68, and he had an interesting conversation brewing.
Apparently, not too long ago, there were a group of thieves aged 13-15 in Camrose, Alberta who broke into a home a couple of times, and then proceeded to steal things and then... something really quite awful; they took the house cat and put it in a microwave oven until it died.
Now Adler asked an interesting question (interesting to me because it was the first thing on his mind, and the first thing on the minds everyone that hears the story), he asked his listeners "if you could decided the punishment for these kids, what would it be?" People were sending comments in that ranged from years in prison (or something like it) to comments like "I think they should get their faces smashed in!" Apparently there have been death threats for these kids... Apparently when these kids serve their "time" (and they will get out soon, whatever the sentencing is) there are people ready to drive them out.
What would you say to this question "what should the punishment be?" Is that even the right question to be asking?

+3C on January 6, 2008 at 5pm. I like it.